


Ripped at every edge but you're a masterpiece

by bchekov



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Drabble, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-10
Updated: 2017-02-10
Packaged: 2018-09-23 05:49:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9643295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bchekov/pseuds/bchekov
Summary: His head hurts from clenching his jaw for so long and his ears ache from the music in his mind. It’s soft, with a steady beat and gentle vocals; everything he is not.





	

His head hurts from clenching his jaw for so long and his ears ache from the music in his mind. It’s soft, with a steady beat and gentle vocals; everything he is not.

The room is quiet, with the creaking of his chair and Kaworu’s occasional exhale being the only noises in it. It’s comforting, yet unpleasant. He can’t stand the silence as his thoughts tend to overwhelm him, drown him until he has no point of return; when nothing can put an end to it save the tender touches of pale hands and mumbled promises of everything and nothing.

It wrecks him, really, to be this dependent on someone who can abandon him just as easily as everyone else. It wrecks him even more to even be thinking these things about Kaworu in the first place, the same Kaworu who would give up the world for Shinji over and over, until there’s nothing left of it.

“Kaworu,” he whimpers into the night, and is greeted by silence. “Kaworu...” he repeats, unable to look at him, sleeping peacefully without a care in the world. Shinji is so jealous it hurts. He claws at his chest in frustration, trying to scratch the emotions of, every single one of them, until he is blank and can start over; do it right this time.

Maybe then he would be able ignore the burning sensation in the back of his throat and the pressure behind his eyes, mocking him for even thinking of disturbing the other for his own selfish needs. 

A tiny sob escapes his lips, and another follows shortly. He hides behind sweaty hand and cries softly into them. One part of him hopes it’s not enough to wake him, another hopes it is, and a third has stopped caring.

“Shinji?” a sluggish voice cuts through his cries, past his hands and slaps him across the face- the first part of him was dominant it seems.

“I’m sorry.” he gasps, the words quivering as much as the mouth they come out of. “I’m so sorry...”

He doesn’t see Kaworu’s face twist into an expression of sympathy, then into one of pain, before settling on the whisper of a smile he wears just for Shinji.

“Come here.” he prompts gently and gathers Shinji into his arms, who in turn clings onto him like he’s the first and the last good thing to ever come into his life. It both breaks and warms his heart, partly for understanding the sentiment and partly out of his own selfish desire.

“I love you.” he murmurs into the other’s ear, still aching with the none-existent music. He helps him up and pulls him back into bed, still holding on to him. “So, so much.”

Shinji nods and tightens his grip around Kaworu’s waist.

“I love you too,”


End file.
